Tons of guys ask me “what do I do if my girl isn’t texting me back” and I have found there are certain things you can do to help your situation
There are several reasons why a woman will not text you back.
The first reason is
She has lost attraction
Now, this is common. Now there are several variables that will add to this because usually things happen over time and she will pull back from you because she’s overwhelmed or whatever the case is.
Usually, she loses attraction because of consistently repeated behaviors adding up.
consistent negativity will breed a breakup almost every time. If you constantly fight and all she associates with you is negativity then she will eventually leave.
Sometimes she will even try to friendzone you when she loses attraction to you. it’s common for women to try to demote you to the orbiter zone because they don’t want to lose options. plus they still love you but they’re not in love with you. attraction and love are closely attached and related.
once attraction falls love falls with it.
she might be busy
a lot of women today are completely free which means they are working more than they ever have. a lot of them even have their own businesses that they’re running. sometimes she’s not texting you back simply because she’s just busy. if you’re really worried about how often she’s texting you back you’re probably too relationship-focused.
just think to yourself “look she’ll get back to me when she is free” and then go about your day. this will show her two things. the first thing is it shows strength and non-neediness. the second thing is it shows you respect her boundaries in space. now it doesn’t always need to be said verbally but when you haven’t heard from your significant other in quite some time, you’re going to think wow what are they up to?
only insecure people get completely unraveled and upset just because somebody didn’t text them back.
Now it’s an entirely different situation if somebody is definitely stringing you along. flaking on dates, acting hot and cold on a consistent basis.
Most of the time they’re just busy. You don’t want to show your insecurities here by texting her constantly throughout the day. Women hate it when a man can’t control his emotions.
She is seeing somebody else
Sometimes a woman won’t contact you because she is seeing someone else on the side, I’m getting ready to monkey branch. this is when a woman gets into a new relationship before breaking it off with you.
she will avoid texting you, seeing you, and calling you because she’s going to feel guilty about seeing somebody new while you’re still interested in her. there are a ton of women out there who won’t actually come forward and say that they are no longer interested because they’re scared of what will happen. now it is true the one thing a woman does have to worry about in this life is a man since men are her biggest threats.
The reason why they do this is that they want to let you down easily and slowly. she’s hoping that you’re going to get the hint that she’s no longer interested and just walk away from her.
Sometimes people do this and sabotage the relationship so that you will leave them. it’s a cowardly thing but a lot of people do it.
She doesn’t really want to appear desperate
women are emotional creatures. their emotions can change on the fly seemingly out of nowhere. sometimes some of those emotions will last. I have done coaching calls with women who don’t want to come off as too desperate for a guy that they are now seeing.
So, what they do is end up pulling back some of their energy and attention in order to not come off too strong or appear desperate. which is a good thing in my opinion to a degree because we should be focused on our hobbies, goals, and interests as individuals and not be so obsessed with our relationships.
She might even have friends around her that are telling her look girl you are acting desperate you need to back off a little bit.
you’ve probably heard that rule that you are the equivalent of the five people that you spend your time with and it’s very true if she has people around her telling her what to think and feel Then sometimes, she will act on those things. The best mentality to have is “she’ll be back”. this is going to put you in the frame of “I am the prize”. Just don’t let it get to your head and act completely cocky and overconfident.
you want to have that James Bond mentality because you do work on yourself so often because you do so well in life, and it would be a privilege to have you in her life.
Always remember like energy attracts like energy and people want that energy reciprocated back to them.
She’s testing you for weakness
One of the ways that women test you is by pulling away and seeing how you’re going to react. women always want to test because they want to make sure that they are with the right man and one of the qualities that they look for in men is emotional strength.
This is hardwired into their DNA because a man is their primary threat. they will do this less often when they are completely in love with you and the test do become easier and easier to pass as time goes by.
Only if you are doing everything correctly and raising her attraction level.
you will see more and more testing as attraction falls. if you constantly see her testing, you repeatedly try to see if you’re going to react her attraction could be falling.
something I teach men in my coaching program Is how to diagnose where a woman’s attraction level.
She thinks you’re chasing her too much
oddly enough women will back away from you when they think that you’re chasing them too much because it feels smothering. needy and desperate guys do this especially in the beginning of a relationship because they’re trying to force something.
Again, this always comes back to the self-esteem. whenever people rush something it’s because they don’t truly feel worthy of that exact love that they’re looking for.
Always remember that men are the primary threats to a woman safety. they want to make sure that the man that there with has complete emotional control and she will often test to see if he has that. when a man chases her too much, she’s going to think that he is too needy and thirsty for a relationship which is a complete turn off to them.
everybody wants to be with somebody who’s a bit of a challenge. if it’s too easy we become disinterested. think of its kind of like a video game. when it becomes too easy, we put it down and become bored. women will often stir the pot to keep things interesting by pulling away to see how you’re going to act. women like interesting unpredictable men because they can’t control them. Again, going back to the video game analogy it’s like the first time you play video game you don’t know what’s going to happen.
when you revisit it, you understand what’s going to happen so it’s less fun. now I’m not saying that she won’t like you because you keep coming back around all she needs is time and space to think about you and wonder about you which becomes extremely easy when you’re focused on your mission and purpose.
So, when she does this just mirror her actions and let her reach out to you. she’ll come back around eventually and if she doesn’t move on to another girl. I understand it’s not easy so if you want help with that book a call with me.
she wants to see if your high value man
women inherently know that when a man is relationship focused, he is not acting high value. when she pulls away, she’s going to see if you’re going to respond by messaging the shit out of her or not. strong men will not react to a woman pulling away because they understand that
- maybe she might be busy
- she will come back around eventually
Having a take it or leave it attitude is always a much better approach to dating then to be desperate, needy, and obsessive.
women want to date high value men who are working on their purpose and goals and who value themselves.
if she pulls away she’s just seeing if you’re going to chase her. if you do she’ll think you’re low value and she’ll start losing attraction for you which will cause more and more tests until her attraction is so low she no choice but to leave you.
she is stressed
during a lot of my coaching sessions, I talked to a lot of men who are dating women in college or university. immediately my mind goes to a place of she’s going to be busy and she’s going to be focused on her goals. after I hear their story I’m usually right because these girls are focused so heavily on their studies and aren’t making enough room for their relationship.
look fellas, you have to realize that if they are focused on their work or school there are going to be times where she’s going to pull away because she just gets extremely busy. a lot of guys take this personally because again they’re insecure of themselves or scared where the relationship is going to go. you always have to be more masculine than them which means being unfazed by their actions.
I understand it’s difficult because you really like her and don’t want the relationship to fall apart but if she feels too much pressure from you and the relationship altogether, she’s going to pull away even more because she’s going to prioritize her individual goals before you.
school is a priority because it’s expensive and it’s going to provide her with her own independence in the future. I’ve seen a ton of relationships end because a guy gets so insecure because she just gets busy.
It happens a lot during exam. As well. just expect it to happen and you won’t be so caught off guard when it does happen.
the best thing to do is to try to set a date and let her be. now if she flakes constantly then just pull your energy back and let her come to you. now I’m not saying put up with a bunch of disrespect but if she has been with you for quite some time and it is a busy period in her life you can cut her some slack give her some space and let her come to you.
If things have been constantly good in the relationship up until this particular busy period, she will thank you for being respectful of her priorities and space. this will inevitably bring her closer to you because you should strength instead of weakness.
how to act when she isn’t texting back
now that we’ve gone over the main reasons why she might be pulling away or not texting back we have to go over how to act.
First of all, do not get angry!
it is so common for guys just to lose their shit because their girl isn’t texting them back. they see it as some personal attack and it’s absolutely absurd especially if the relationship has been going on for quite some time.
If you act like a little baby and start getting angry and upset, she will think you’re emotionally unstable and weak which will completely turn her off.
The main thing to do here is let her come to you. This is you letting her know with your actions that you’re not going to be chasing her around like some puppy dog. you have your own busy life to worry about.
when men are reactive it only proves to her that you’re lower value than she is. women want to date confident men who know their worth and value because IT projects strength.
women want to mate with guys who are strong and capable. Women also want to feel uncertain about you to a degree. too much uncertainty will get them to feel like you don’t care. and too much certainty will make them think that you’re chasing too hard that you care too much and you’re too relationship focused
Hot and cold behavior
Everything mentioned above can lead to hot and cold behavior. sometimes there’s just so much going on in an individual’s life that they can’t handle or put too much energy into a relationship so they pull back and relax for a little while.
sometimes you didn’t do anything wrong at all. sometimes she’s super happy and excited to see you and hang out with you and be with you in the next moment she pulls away. this is what it is like being with a woman women have emotional operating systems.
the point is to not get swayed by her ever changing emotions. some women are also more emotionally stable than others. especially women who have been through some pretty traumatic experiences and haven’t done the work to stabilize their emotions.
when you give her the right amount of space it’s actually going to grow attraction. they need that time to wonder and think about you. if they’re not wondering about you and not thinking about you and not worried about what you’re thinking or doing her attraction level is not that high for you. relationships and women need space and time to breathe. it’s like adding oxygen to a fire. what happens to a fire when you smother it? it goes out and the flame goes away. but when you feed a fire oxygen it grows and becomes more intense.
doing this is like an art form. the more you study female nature and women and relationships the more you will know when to push and pull. you also become completely unfazed by a woman’s actions and swaying emotions.
you know you’re in a good spot when a woman pulls away and you know exactly what’s going on and you react perfectly by saying “Ok I’m completely OK with this” by your actions. Those actions are simply just remaining calm, cool and collected.
I will sometimes have men get really upset at the way that women are designed and to any man reading this it’s just like getting upset at the weather. it might frustrate you that it’s raining and snowing but you realize there’s no point in getting mad at it you just have to weather the storm.
and this comes back to working on your emotional centres. work on yourself and other areas in life that you actually can control. work on your finances. work on your body. work on your emotions.
the first step to working on any of these things is to become aware of what you’re lacking and then from there you can work slowly towards fixing those issues.
Getting her to chase you
She will eventually understand that you’re not going to be chasing her around and to keep their relationship going she’s going to have to reach out to you. You the masculine man want to have the power in the relationship here and see yourself as a prize.
eventually so start moving closer and closer to you because she doesn’t want to lose you. you must keep a good ratio when talking to a woman and letting her reach out to you a little bit more than then you reach out to her. see you must understand masculine and feminine energy. feminine energy is about bonding and connecting. masculine energy is about goals, drive, mission and purpose. if you let her reach out to you 70% of the time and you reach out to her 30% of the time. that’s a pretty good ratio to keep the attraction high.
Don’t go too far to the right because if you don’t reach out to her enough, she will think you don’t care. I have seen guys do this before who are extremely business focused, and they forget about their women entirely. it sounds funny but it does happen.
Once she reaches out to you don’t act butthurt don’t get mad and don’t get angry. simply say it’s good to hear from you and when are you free.
Now if she stops texting you and she goes to you go into strict no contact and let her come to you again. there are some women out there who play games and want to know that they still have control over you, and they want to know that you’re still interested in them.
this is one of the ways that women will try to test you and see what you’re made of. she will think can this guy stand up to me and walk away.
women need to know that any moment they could lose you if they push too hard. the guys who fail with women are the ones who will never leave. and they usually disguise this with “I’m a nice guy” or “I’m extremely loyal”. a lot of these guys let women walk all over them which causes her to lose respect.
always remember to watch a woman’s actions and not listen to her words.
what the phone is for
a lot of people talk far too much on the phone either through texting or calling and of course Snapchat and all the other apps.
This is especially hurtful to a relationship from a masculine standpoint because you should be busy as a man. you should be focused on your mission and purpose and sitting on the phone with your woman all day is eventually going to turn her off. you should be working on growing and building something as a man. nothing is more fulfilling than building something big and being proud of it.
I’ve seen so many guys kill the attraction because they blab on the phone because they literally have nothing else to do with their entire day. not too long ago did a coaching session with the guy who spent three hours a day on the phone with his girl. when they did meet up with each other they didn’t really have much to talk about because they spent three hours a day on the phone.
relationships need space and time to breathe!!
sometimes women will try to get you to text them and call them more because they want to see you and talk to you more. when you oblige to this, you’re playing it to their hands and let him control you. remember as a man you should be building something and working on something every single day.
some of you are still young and have no idea what to build so again I would highly suggest you do a coaching call with me so that we can figure out something for you to do. I have many ways to make money online and I can teach you something that will give you a massive return on investment. However the way that I teach does take time.
you should be using the phone to set dates and times to see each other. a little bit of catch up is OK but you need to keep it extremely short and make sure that there is some sort of date in the pipeline.
you need something to look forward to. men you are the ones who drive the dating and relationships forward and women are the ones who keep it all together.
your job is a man is to keep the relationship light, fun and playful.
Too much time on the phone is just going to make her bored of you and turn her off.
so set the dates and get off the phone!
how to properly text women
This is actually extremely simple because as long as you’re staying off the phone and setting dates you just have to remain within these guidelines and everything will be fine.
when she does contact you because she’s going to be doing most of the chasing and pursuing you can use this to catch up a little bit and then start to set a date. now before you do it you want to have a little bit of banter. Ask her how her day was going ask her how she’s doing etc.
After all the small talk ask for the date. now when she says then set up a time that works for both of you.
she doesn’t really want to see you or go on a date with you then just say “OK let me know when you do want to see me and then we can get together”
and then let her come to you after that.
one of the biggest mistakes I see guys do is continue to talk to a girl that just does not really interested in seeing them and inadvertently putting them into the friend zone.
Fellas, women know why you’re trying to talk to them they know that you’re interested in them and they know that you want to see them so she puts up walls and roadblocks she’s not that interested in seeing you or she’s testing to see what you’re made out of.
remember not to act out of pocket and get all mad. stay relaxed and let her come to you.
another big thing I see men failing at is circulation. a lot of guys talk to one woman and get so focused on that one woman that they don’t start seeing other women. they play up this fantasy of this one woman and get attached to the idea of dating her.
This is called ONEITIS
I’ll do a lot of coaching calls with guys who have oneitis but then they will also ask me in the same breath how do I get that girl back. if a girl is not interested in you walk away with your chin up and go back to your default position which is hardcore focus on yourself.
What happens if she disappears for too long
Very popular and common question is how long is she going to pull away for?
Usually, I see 2-5 days. what’s happening here is they’re testing and taking some time in space from you.
I’ve also seen people pull away for about two to three weeks. this happens when guys are too relationship-focused and too needy for the relationship. what this means is she is turned off and she’s putting space so that you can be strong and show her that you don’t need her.
sometimes this also happens when a woman is very busy in her life, and she needs to focus on her priorities like school or some big project at work. two to three weeks is a good amount of space for her to focus on whatever she needs to finish and then come back around. that’s why it’s so important for a guy to remain centered and focused on his mission and purpose at all times which allows her to be the exact person that she needs to be.
The next pull away is about five to six weeks longer. this is pretty much break-up territory and she’s completely turned off by you and it’s given up on the relationship. but this is also the time when she might be seeing other people and keeping you on the back burner.
she will do this to you if you have been too negative too consistently without some sort of positive interaction. remember your job is to keep things light, playful, and fun.
men will sometimes add a whole lot more stress to a woman’s life that is just unnecessary and then wonder why she’s breaking up with him.
after about five to six weeks since she does reach out to you, she is basically let go of all of the stressful emotions and she wants to come back around and have some fun with you.
over 90% of men Have no idea how to just walk away from a woman if need be. it’s truly staggering how many men are extremely relationship focused in this world.
if you truly want to stand out from men you need to always be able to walk away from women if need, be. she needs to know that you’re going to be completely OK without her.
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