Hearing “let’s just be friends” from your ex is like a punch to the groin. Lets dive in so you can navigate this correctly.
MY EX WANTS TO BE FRIENDS, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
My ex wants to be friends what should I do? this is one of the most common ways that a woman will demote a relationship or change a relationship because she’s no longer interested in keeping the relationship alive.
there are a few reasons why women will demote you to a friendship position and I’ll go over them in this article.
Reason #1: She doesn’t want to hurt you
women are afraid of fully hurting a man with the full brunt of a breakup right away because they are sometimes afraid for you and your feelings.
She was with you for quite some time, and she does love you but she’s not in love with you anymore. which is another common thing that women say to men when they’re not attracted to them anymore.
one of the other reasons she doesn’t want to fully hurt you is that she is afraid for her safety. The number one fear that women have in this world is men. an emotionally unstable man is the primary threat to her safety, and she knows if she hurts you bad enough you could fly off the handle and hurt her.
Even if you never pose any kind of threat in the past it is hardwired into her DNA to fear you and fear for her safety simply because you are a man. She knows how much she is hurting you so she will ease into the breakup instead of giving you the full force of it.
Reason #2: She is seeing someone else but wants you to remain as an orbiter
women don’t entirely want to lose any kind of options and if you really think about it why would they? if she has an option to keep you around versus completely lose you in her mind she’s thinking “well I can demote him for now and see about this other option and if it doesn’t work out, I can call him back”
women will often monkey branch from one relationship to the next instead of spending some time single and working on themselves they will exercise their options. women often have quite a few men in their lives that are already friends that want to be more, but they are not attracted to those men, so they don’t give them the time of day.
often, she is seeing somebody else before the relationship will end and as she’s lighting up her replacement and you figure out that the relationship is going South, she will try to friend zone you in order to keep the peace and demote you to the orbiter zone.
This can completely confuse you as a man because you’re going to assume that keeping any kind of contact is important. a lot of men think this because they assume if you go away completely and cut off all contact then there’s no way you can get her back.
The opposite is true.
Respect actually comes before love and there is no way a woman can respect a man who accepts friendship because she knows deep down in her heart that’s not what he wants. she knows he is going to want a relationship with her and if he accepts friendship that’s going against his true desires which is a week position.
Men go after what they want and if that desire is not reciprocated you walk away with respect for yourself. sometimes relationships get stale, and she will want to end things and all you have to do is walk away with your chin up and go back to the default position which is to work on yourself.
Reason 3: The attraction has fallen
I have seen women do this in the past where they will try to demote you to friends because they are no longer attracted to you. this is when you hear the following statements
- I need to find myself
- I love you but I’m not in love with you
- I just need some space
- I just need some time to myself
- I just need to gather my thoughts
- maybe if we stepped back to being friends, we can work ourselves back to being lovers
The list really goes on and on and on. what she really means when she says these things to you is she is not attracted to you anymore and is not willing to commit any more energy or time to the relationship.
Don’t get it twisted either it’s not physical attraction every time. sometimes she will lose attraction to you emotionally.
A lot of guys have said to me during coaching calls “I still look the same what do you mean she’s not attracted to me”
Physical attraction is new and is only one part of the equation. The best way to handle this is to not accept friendship and walk away.
you can say something along the lines of this
“I am not interested in friendship with you as I only see you in a romantic way but if you change your mind let me know. if I’m still single maybe we can work it out”
this is structured in a way that you’re leaving the door open but not waiting for her. dumpers often have something called dumpers confidence or dumpers arrogance.
Meaning they still think that you are extremely attracted to them which you are and that you want to work things out with them so they’re willing to distance themselves from you because they are very sure that they can just get you back.
one of the ways to stifle this confidence is to value your own energy and time and focus on your own individual life. focus on your goals in your mission. a man needs to be mission-focused. which leads me to the next point.
Reason #4 You became relationship-focused
this can fall under the loss of attraction category but I often see this happen, so I wanted to give it its own category in this blog post.
men often become very complacent and relationship-focused these days. especially men that have no mission or purpose in life.
when men don’t have any mission and purpose in life, they make their women and their relationship their primary and sole purpose.
this comes back to the understanding of masculine versus feminine energy. masculine energy is about drive, mission, focus, and getting goals accomplished.
now both sexes have both energies, but men are dominated by masculine energy, and women are dominated by feminine energy.
When men become relationship-focused, she will often think why he is so available? why is he so focused on me? sometimes she won’t even know why she’s turned off by you, so when she ends the relationship, you will ask her what happened and why she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, and she won’t even really know. she will say, “it’s just a feeling”
so make sure as a man that you have your mission and purpose at the forefront of your mind every day, and relationships will mostly fall into place. yes, you do have to understand the game you have to understand how to approach women, etc, and these are skills you can learn. but it is much better for you to be focused on your mission and purpose because by default, you will be busy, focused, and in your own frame.
She wants to be friends to see where it goes
This is another way a woman will try to demote you. She will say things because she is not attracted and wants to be single. At the same time, she wants to focus on herself. She also doesn’t want to lose you,
The problem with this is she will never come back to you and tell you “Hey you know what, let’s get back together now”. I’ve never EVER seen it happen. once you go backwards in a relationship, you have to stick to a STRICT set of rules.
- RULE 1: Never accept friendship.
- RULE 2: Laser focus on yourself
- RULE 3: learn about attraction and women
Women have certain rules that they all follow. One of these rules has to do with strength. Women love strong men that they can’t control. if you comply with her offer of friendship she will think you’re a bitch deep down inside. (sorry not sorry)
I don’t want to lie to you, so I need to speak in a sharp manner like this. I wish someone had told me these things earlier.
If a woman says She wants to be friends to see where it goes its still bullshit and you should see it as a breakup and you should walk away with your head held high and focus on yourself and your goals
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